Ryan Atwood

Lucy was due any day. Every hour that passed, the more and more I got nervous. This was different than Theresa. This was something bigger. More difficult. More scary and I knew that I had to face it. I couldn’t put it off any longer and I knew what I wanted to do, but I just … I was still afraid that no matter what happened, it wouldn’t be enough. I didn’t want to let her down. I didn’t want to be the guy that came back to her days before she was due to give birth to my baby and then mess everything up. What if she was really happy without me? What if she’d already come to terms that it was just going to be her? What if she moved on?

Well, no she didn’t. At least Seth, I mean, he was keeping me informed even if I told him that I didn’t want to hear about it. He knew the truth though. Of course I did. It was Lucy. I loved her. I missed her and I needed her back. Again, I went back to this thing of being afraid.

It still wasn’t too late. I could just drive off and pretend I never came here, but that … yeah, no. I needed to talk to her and tell her everything and that’s why I was parked right outside of her place. Swallowing hard, I glanced over at the house and then looked ahead. Gripping the steering wheel, I just stared out before looking at the house again. So, this was it. Pretty much. I didn’t know anything until I tried.

I got out of the SUV and headed up the walk. I rang the doorbell and waited and when she opened the door, I just stared at her like a deer caught in headlights. She tilted her head the way she always does, narrowing her eyes just a little, but it was soft and then she raised her eyebrow. Okay, that meant that I should actually say something instead of stand here looking like an idiot.

“I’m sorry,” I started and that’s when she straightened up and I shook my head. “No, I’m … sorry. To have to do this now, when it’s so close to our daughter being born,” I told her apologetically as I had my eyes on her belly. Licking my lips, I looked at her in the face and continued.

“I love you, Lucy. I just … I think about the time that was lost because of me. The moments I missed out on and I can never have that back. I should have been here with you. I want to be here with you.”

You know I’d always come for you.

"Just don't tell me it's too late."

( Lucy )

Lucy was pregnant.

I didn’t think that I could wrap my brain around that statement. I mean … I just didn’t understand. Well, I could understand, I knew … yeah, but ..

Lucy was pregnant.

Sitting at my counter in my apartment, I just stared into nothing and thought about what I was going to do. Seth had told me and he wouldn’t just make something like that up. Actually, he liked to awkwardly tell the truth, which is exactly what he did here. But, how did he know? Why did he know before me? Molly. Lucy told Molly and then Molly told Seth and then Seth told me, but why didn’t Lucy tell me? And why hasn’t she told me since Seth told me? Was she trying to hide it from me? Everything around me was slow and my body felt heavy. I knew I needed to go and talk to Lucy, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. Actually, I just hoped that she would … or maybe I wished that she wouldn’t because then it would it wasn’t true, but … yeah.

A few hours later, I finally mustered the strength to just move and I finally got up and grabbed my keys. The ride to her dorm was the longest that I’ve ever driven. I think I circled the school a few times before I finally parked.

How was I supposed to be a father? I … I mean, we weren’t even back together that long. Actually, it really hasn’t been that long and now she’s pregnant? I frowned at that and the fact that she hadn’t told me, but told Molly. I understood that Molly was her best friend, but why would she keep it from me? Slowly, I had the suspicion that maybe it wasn’t mine, but Lucy wasn’t like that. Or maybe she was? I didn’t know. I didn’t know her like I thought I did and that was a problem. We barely talked, but when we did talk, it was … well, yeah.

I didn’t make enough money to support a child and my girlfriend and now I was thinking things over. Like where my next paycheck was going to and would Lucy move in with me or stay at the dorm and how was I going to tell Sandy and Kirsten or even my mother? Letting out a breath, I finally lifted my arm and knocked softly on the door.

Now that everything was back to normal, I started going back to work. I hoped that Seth and Molly had worked things out, but on most days, he was here on my couch, unless he was at work. We talked about it and it usually came to the same conclusion. Is that what she really thinks of him? I wasn’t sure about this soul theory, mainly because I was sure that all normal people, well, people who weren’t slayers and didn’t have any of that ability all had souls. People like that get arrested every day, they all know right from wrong and still they murder and rob people and … other things. It all confused me and even though Lucy tried to explain to me, I agreed, but in the back of my head, something still wasn’t right. I felt bad for Seth because it’s almost like a lot of things that people think about themselves deep down inside all of a sudden get brought to the surface and then they have to face them. Molly really did put him through something and now much couch has an imprint of ‘Seth’ that won’t go away.

Lucy and I had been apart for a few weeks and she went off to Mexico. I don’t know what happened in Mexico and I don’t care. I didn’t want to know. I’d actually like to think that nothing happened in Mexico and she had a terrible time, but I’m sure that wasn’t really what happened. It didn’t matter now because we were back together and more of her stuff was back at my place. I even told her that I wanted her to meet Kirsten and Sandy who are Seth’s parents, but they took me in. I haven’t set up, or even talked to Kirsten and Sandy about Lucy really and I already knew that Seth took Molly to meet them which probably made Lucy feel … well, I don’t know. I haven’t asked her. But either way, she was going to meet them and I was going to apologize to them because I haven’t talked to them really since I’ve been in LA. I wasn’t sure if I should just go by myself so I could see them, or if I’d just bring Lucy with me. Well, I just decided to bring her with me. Besides, I wanted them to meet her. She was different than anyone else I’ve ever, well, been with and I loved her.

Now, I just had to call them and tell them that I was coming. First, I had to apologize and then well, say, ‘hey, I’m coming home and yeah, I’m bringing someone with me that I want you to meet.’ I felt terrible, but at least I was doing this? I didn’t know. I’m sure that when I got there, Sandy would be happy to see me and Kirsten would be the one to tell me that I should have done this sooner. Me calling and apologizing and … yeah, but I didn’t know what she would say to me that I already didn’t think myself. I just had things that I needed to do and I couldn’t do them being in Newport. Getting over Marissa was hard and I haven’t realized that it was my fault until recently and now I was ready to have something with Lucy. With her not being here and being in Mexico, it was hard because I wanted to see her everyday and … well, it sucked that she wasn’t there.

Now, I just had to tell Lucy that we were going to Newport and she was going to meet my family in, well, a week.

It finally hit me today that Lucy had really broken up with me. Not that I didn’t actually believe it before, but we just haven’t talked in a while, well, since our break up. I guess she just needs her space, which I could understand, but I think she’s going about it the wrong way. She didn’t realized that Molly and I were her friends before anything else and she took it all for granted. I blamed myself because I was too hard on her, but I just didn’t want to go through that again. We’re both in different places and it was bound to catch up with us. That didn’t mean that I didn’t miss her, because I did. I thought about her a lot now that we weren’t together.

I haven’t asked Seth about her, but mainly that was because he hasn’t been around her at all. Molly and her got into it and now they’re not talking. I’m not sure if it’s from that day she came home early in the morning, or if it was from something after that. I didn’t ask. I was worried about her but she needed to live her life and as much as it sucked that I wasn’t part of it, I just had to let her go.

At work, they ended up giving me another day so instead of working five days, I now work six and it’s keeping my mind off of everything, which is what I needed. I needed a distraction and working was just the escape I wanted.

I checked my watch and noticed it was ten to twelve and headed toward my jeep to get my wallet. Usually at the construction site, a van would pull up and we could all buy something, like sandwiches or something and today, I was so hungry, I could probably eat about two at this point. Opening the car door, I reached inside and under the seat, finding my wallet and I pulled it out, when I noticed someone standing on the passenger side.

“Paris … uh. What are you doing here?” I asked her, surprised. Then I wondered if something was wrong with Lucy and I tensed a little.

“Is everything okay?” Is Lucy okay?

(Open to Paris)

What do you see as the biggest problem you and your significant other are facing in your relationship?

//Locked to Lucy//

I think the biggest problem that Lucy and I face is the fact that we don’t communicate. That’s probably more me than her. I just … I don’t feel a need to really open up about what I’m thinking because I’m big on ‘actions speak louder than words,’ and I feel that what I do when I’m with her means a lot more than me actually saying anything. Things were good at first between us; we spent a lot of time together and slowly got to know each other. Then it’s like everything changed. We went to Las Vegas and there was this situation at the casino. Lucy, Seth, Molly and I ended up having dreams – at least I think we all did. Anyway, I dreamt of Marissa, my girlfriend from Newport, who died in my arms. I’m not sure what it means, but ever since then, things have been strained on Lucy and me. Then on top of that, she’s doing drugs and I’ve already been down that road, I’m just not sure if I want to stick around for that. Things are going downhill fast and I walked away from her. I gave up and I’m feeling guilty about that because I really do like her and care for her. I just don’t know how to get things back as they were before.

When I got home from work, I finally checked my messages. I hadn’t really talked to Lucy at all about what happened in Vegas and I think it’s better that we don’t talk about it. It wasn’t like we were big on the talking thing anyway. We barely ever did it. I haven’t called her at all actually now that I think about it. I pressed in a few numbers to get to my voicemail and there was nothing from Lucy, but a message from Seth.

Hey, man. I've got Molly here and look, she's a little worried about Lucy cause they got separated tonight. I'm sure it's no big deal but just checking in to see if she's with you. Give us a call back on my cell.

I frowned I heard the message and listened to it again just to be sure. Her and Molly got separated? I stood there for a moment and just thought about where she could be, or what she could be doing. There was no telling. Usually, she was with me or with Molly, or at school, but I’m sure they already checked the school.

Opening my phone, I scrolled down on my recent calls and pressed ‘call’ on Lucy. It rang about four times before I heard her voice, except it was her voicemail.

Hey, Lucy, it’s me. Give me a call when you get this, alright?

I closed my phone and just continued to stand in the same place. I was worried because I always worried about her and then I started to feel guilty because I’d been avoiding her a little and now this. Letting out a breath, I called Seth and for once, he didn’t pick up.

Seth, I got your message, I called Lucy and she didn’t pick up. Call me when you get this.

Walking to my room, I flipped the phone off and put it on the dresser before undressing and changing into different clothes. I sat on the bed and just wondered where she could be, but she had to be alright? I wasn’t even sure if she normally did this, but if Seth was calling me, then I don’t think she does. I wasn’t even sure, all I knew was that I was worried and I was ready to just go out and look for her. I leaned over and grabbed the phone and called her again.

This time though, I didn’t leave a message, I just hung up.